Unpacking

I’m coming back into the best way I process this thing called life. So, if you’re down to witness my vulnerability, beyond the lessons and sessions to include individual thoughts, emotions, and feels, well then…here we go…

I’ve been reflecting on these two words the past week or so

CONSUMPTION & CONNECTION

It’s been a year 5 summer of unpacking more than I had anticipated. It really isn’t so much the quantity of it, but the quality of the things that needed to be unpacked I guess you could say. In June I shared on my ego and being an empath, I’ll link that here, but it has been the journeys through my Crown Chakra that have reminded me of areas of overconsumption as well as remembrance of the connection that is always there even when the density of the world veiled my awareness of it.

Not only going on those journeys, but also cultivating more stillness throughout my day has had me reflecting on a question I asked myself back in May.  Are you truly prepared to align to that which you are requesting, that which you desire to be in this world?

Cultivating more stillness begins with allowing myself greater permission to rest. It brought me into a space that I enjoy being in when I allow myself to. That being versus doing, right? That struggle I’ve struggled with, but this summer I asked myself why continue to struggle at all? Why am I yearning to just be while simultaneously unconsciously continuously doing in my mind and body? Questions that have complex answers but they all go back to little Dani and all that she accepted and absorbed that set seemingly permanent detours in her nervous system. 

Anyways, back to stillness and rest. There, in allowing myself to rest, I strengthened discernment.  I can find my way there in various ways, but after Auset Healing in June I shut everything down so that I could rest and be in that space at any point I could throughout my day. I had allowed myself to become so dysregulated again and I couldn’t understand how.  So I tuned out all voices but my own so I could go there. It was only supposed to be 30 days, but I enjoyed it so much it’s lasted longer. I’ve been spending more of my time there because it has been interesting acknowledging what I recently uncovered about myself. Most importantly that rest is the key to healing and being, to understanding and empowering Self. And also, that unpacking and healing from past life and childhood trauma is complex. 

What would you say if I told you that not just karma, but one’s consumption is a key to dysregulation? I mean it is the human conditioned way of being. Just consume, consume, consume, and consume some more. So, if I say dysregulation can be caused by an overconsumption of religion, food, sex, alcohol, or herb, you’d probably say, “Duh"!” and “Girl, yes me too! I’ve been there.”.  But what if I said that dysregulation can also be caused by an overconsumption in areas of wellness and sharing spiritual practices? Yes, this is also an issue that I needed to address. Why? Because it doesn’t matter how many meditations, hours on the mat, breath work, and gatherings one attends, if they aren’t harmonizing it all with proper rest. And in not resting enough, I can, in full truth say, that I gave more to my external than my internal.

Now, my ego would not have allowed me to acknowledge that, but in investigating my ego more, I was able to identify where it was hiding things it didn’t want me to find. The consumption of anything is a constant state of doing. So by exposing things with my ego, I’m identifying how the feel of connection can be misinterpreted. There is no such thing as disconnection. Too much consumption means I’m not feeling it as strongly because my attention is elsewhere even when my ego makes me feel like it’s not. This is definitely part of my coping with trauma, and in more rest, I just may reach the space in time where I am doing, but it is because it is merely an expression of my being and only when necessary.

Almost sounds like something said in The Last Airbender series, but it is what I want to cultivate in my life. Being the Being who only does when it is necessary.  

You’re not putting enough focus on your rest either? Well, like the classic saying goes, you are not alone 😉 And like a beautiful woman once told me, all of the work done in your other life experiences and through those of your ancestors (who are part of you) means this: give yourself the grace you all deserve and they especially may not have ever had the opportunity to do, and rest.